i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
