Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
