we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
