I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We're too hungover to prance.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
