similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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