omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
