When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
