The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize