you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I love having hate sex.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
