Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
