Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
