Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize