Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
