he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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