I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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