I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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