you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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