Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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