Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
