True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
did i just pee glitter
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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