what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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