i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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