He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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