I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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