New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
