You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
