mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize