You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
