like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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