If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
