i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize