I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
