Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I did not marry a roomba.
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