You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
