I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
they're like a gay fantastic four
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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