I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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