He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
