..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
