If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize