oh god the rape fog is back!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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