I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
