You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I didn't notice because vodka
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize