kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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