And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
