I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
