Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize