Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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