That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
