This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
