if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize