Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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