I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
