Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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