Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
