he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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