yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
