Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
40s are totally the cure
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
