But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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