Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
