he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
