I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
