just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
