Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize