Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's shark week go big or go home
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
