I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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