You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
