There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
