we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
