Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
