I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize