Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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