i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
