I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
