Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
