Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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