youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Who did Billy Mays play for?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
