im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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