He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
