32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
