My nipple is on Facebook.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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