She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
