I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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