So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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