I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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