Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
