it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
