Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
