drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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