Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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