I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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