No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
