I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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