it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize