Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
