White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
