i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The uberlube is also flammable
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
