I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
