Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
