It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
