living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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