ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
