I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
