I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
