Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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