Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
