I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she looked like the before picture.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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