Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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