Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
