i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
