The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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