Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
