I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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