Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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