Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize