she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
