She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
