do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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