My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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