Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
