Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
