Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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