Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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