Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize